Sometimes I go back to a specific point in time where I could change a certain behavior or something I said. I imagine this being a pivotal moment where the path of my life forked, and wouldn’t my life look different if I had only done or said something else? Sometimes I go back to my childhood and imagine I had the foresight to look at things with today’s wisdom, and if only I had known what I know now, I would be so much more successful, happier, better off.
Then I abruptly come back to the present as if waking from a dream, and I’m sad that I’m now 45 and can’t live that life I deserved to live. I had to endure all those regrets, bad choices, unfortunate circumstances. If only I had truly appreciated my childhood, my youth, and made better choices, had a better outlook, I could have really done something with my life. I could have been in a much better place. I could have avoided so much pain.